Isaac Whatever

Anyway, it soon developed that he was involved in some kind of dope deal with this Eddie Price or Prize, and Eddie had taken off with his money or something. He seemed to think that this Eddie lived in my apartment, and was in fact in my apartment at this very moment. And with this, we entered into an age old logic problem. How exactly do you prove, to an unbelieving and unwilling party, that you are who you say you are, or are not who you say you are not? He was vastly overestimating my (and Eddie’s I suppose) capability for subterfuge.

He also seemed to think I had cussed him out at some point in the past. And he had whistled for his friend who “Has a golf club.” What’s more, any time I would step sideways or shuffle around (it was cold out), he would say something to the effect that nobody would be F-ing running away from him.

I told him that the people living in my apartment previously had apparently run out on some debt. When I first got a phone line from Sigecom, I got calls from a collection agency looking for this Emily person who used to live there. I cancelled my line from Sigecom for this exact reason.

He thought maybe he was the guy who had called about that. He said, “You did cuss me then, didn’t you boy? That was a mistake, boy. You called me a bunch of stuff didn’t you, you called me a heathen.”

A heathen! Hah! I don’t call people heathens. I don’t generally use silly, outdated insults. I told him so. He said he put some gum over my peephole. I said, “What does that have to do with anything?” Then I remembered the gum thing. That was months ago! I told him that with the short time the average tenant occupies these apartments, he might find it helpful to accelerate his intimidation schedule, or he’s going to miss some people.

Around this time his friend showed up, limping. He had taken a really long time to get there. As he walked up, Buddy Gloves said, “There’s my friend now, he’s hurt but he’s got a golf club.”

The Golfer was an even smaller guy, skinny, with a big trucker ballcap and a bad limp. He was using a putter as a cane. A putter, by the way, makes an ineffective weapon in the close quarters we were in.