Isaac Whatever

my team is asked to build a bridge.
i discuss with the team.
some of them have relevant experience.
built bridges before.

start looking at customer needs,
make sure we build a suitable bridge.

management comes down.
gives us an unreasonable schedule.
this bridge might be a bit shitty
but it should get the job done.

do a few sprints, making good progress.
this might actually work.

management comes down.
big problem.
stop everything, they say.
you're building the bridge wrong.

they show their marketing material.
it is the golden gate bridge photoshopped over the customer's dinky little canal.

my team are all stonemasons.
_fin_


The parable ends there but I need to get this out of my head.

We push back.
We can't build a suspension bridge on schedule or budget.
None of us know shit about steel cables or whatever the hell.
Management won't budge on schedule or features
but they promise to hire a guy who knows steel cables.

Our hiring process is completely fucked up.
Team doesn't get to interview the guy.
The head of our engineering org knows this cable guy.
He gets hired.
His start day is a week after our deadline.
He's a total asshole.
Nobody can work with him.

The bridge gets built.
It's a stone bridge with some steel cable bullshit propped up on top.
The steel cables are not load-bearing.
The cable guy couldn't work with the team.

The customer is unhappy.
The bridge looks like shit.
They want to drive box trucks over the bridge and the cable shit is in the way.

Six months later the cable shit separates from the bridge footing,
collapses, and kills a truck driver.

Cable guy has already left.
On to bigger and better things.
His resume says he single-handedly built all the steel cable shit for a bridge.
While he was here he got 3 promotions
and won the engineering "teamwork award" that gets you a trip to Bali.

Nobody on my team got promotions or raises.
Fallen below market rate.
People quitting.
Management telling me to convince people to stay.
No raises or promotions though.
Or autonomy.
Or job satisfaction.

Bad work environment.
I try to shelter my team.
Management comes to all my team meetings and micromanages my guys.
More people quitting.

I finally quit.

Good luck, assholes.

Labels: software development

posted by Isaac Hawley  # 2:06 AM